Tales of the Morbidly Obese

Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder about the people who stumble upon this blog from comments on other blogs or just from searches.  Are they just disgusted like people are in the real world by morbidly obese people?  Am I somehow even less since I used surgery to escape the prison of morbid obesity?

Just I am just starting to learn what it is like to travel in a regular size body.  No one can know the cumulative effects of morbid obesity without having lived it.  Every day is one indignity after another.  While you are suffering through those, people expect a constantly sunny disposition.  You feel beholden to give them the funny, smiling fatty persona they expect.

What about you?  The ones who have stumbled on this blog.  Look at my before pictures and tell what you would have thought of me seeing me on the street.  How does your impression change by seeing recent pictures of me?  Or does it?  Is the fat lot cast?

Not Myself

It has been 6 months and 10 days since my duodenal switch surgery.  Yesterday, I went with my family to a cub scout pinewood derby race.  The dads boys build small 5 oz cars and race them down a track.  They have an electronic timer and everything.  In the past, I have been my son's cub scout den leader so a good many of the folks know me.  They also know how awful I looked in that uniform.  So awful, you will never see the pictures here.  At 4 different times, I had people (men) come up and tell me they did not recognize me?!?!  I have seen most of these folks throughout the process but last saw them about 2 months ago.  What is with that?  I also got the "you have lost a lot of weight" (their emphasis) and "how much have you lost?"  I agree with the first question and demurr on the second.

I do not presume to think that my appearance has not changed,  but to think that I am totally different person?  It underscores the fact that most people judge you by your appearance even after they know you and your capabilities/personalities.  Here is where I start to get pissed.  I apologize for not having another topic to talk about, but this one chaps me.   What the hell are we doing that a person has markedly more value to us if they are attractive and slim?  Is it because it is biologically rare?  Those slim, attractive people are the diamonds of the world while the rest of us are just... coal. 

Now, if I said all this as a fat person, people including myself would think I am a paranoid personality.  But guess what, I have gained entrance to the conspiracy so I get see life on this side.  Your way is substantially paved by attractiveness.  It totally sucks.  I worked really hard to be fun, interesting, and intelligent before.  No wonder the thin folks coast.  (think Tom in Broadcast News).

The upside- you don't have to be fat forever.  Find your way to beat it whatever it is.  It is worth it.  This way has worked for me I am down 103.6 pounds today.   Is my life perfect now?  Hell No, but it is better. 

NEW Job, NO Sleep

Well, I mentioned those job offers I got right before Christmas.  I took one of them and started on Tuesday.  I have been in all day, everyday pretty much.  It is exciting to back to the practice of law.  What I really missed most was the adult interaction. 

I am concerned about how the job will affect the weightloss.  I am not getting to eat as often during the day, but my schedule is still very strange.  I am trying to drink water, but I don't have as much time for that either.  I am having to make some health insurance benefits questions that are tough because of my surgery. 

My iron seems to be getting better since the infusion last Friday.  That was a pretty cool experience.  You basically get pampered for 6 hours while they put stuff in your arm. 

I am not sleeping well.  I get too keyed up about work.  Last night, the youngest came in at 3:30am.  I had been asleep since shortly after midnight.  Never got back to sleep.

Century Club is looming, but I am sure it will toy with me just like Onederland did. 

6 Months Post-Op

6 months ago today I was being drugged by a morphine PCA pump.  I had finished surgery at noon but did not get a regular room until about 5 pm.  Those morphine pumps are crazy things.  You push the button, go to sleep and wake feeling like you have slept hours.  Unfortunately, only about 20 minutes went by.  That went on for the next 2 days until I busted out of that hospital. 

6 months ago, I had laparoscopic Doudenal Switch surgery.  You can read more about that kind of surgery here.  I was 280 lbs and today I weighed 182.4.  I have lost 63 inches all over my body.  I saw my surgeon yesterday who was very pleased with my progress.  I have lost, by his caluculations, 78% of my excess body weight.  I am ahead of the curve.  Is the surgery magic, it seems but I have also been exercising and have altered my diet as a result of the surgery.  What the surgery has done is make diet and exercise finally work on my body.   I have recovered very well from the surgery.  I play tennis and exercise on my elliptical machine. 

Today, I saw my OB-GYN who has not seen me for a year.  He walked into the room and did a huge double take.  He did not recognize me.  He thought it was someone else with my name.  He was thrilled and happy to hear that my cycle had returned with some regularity.  It was great to see him at a loss for words because he is at a loss for words. 

Here, is the picture comparison of my before and after.  My clothing sizes have changed dramatically.  In the top photos, I am a 2X/3X on top and 26/28 tight on the bottom.  In today's photos, I have on 16 medium Dockers and Large shirt. 

Do you want to know the downsides of my particular journey with this surgery? Well, my iron is low and may be forever.  I am getting an infusion of iron (an iv) tomorrow.  I will report if it makes a huge difference in how I feel.  I feel pretty good.  I am active and have a lot more stamina than before surgery.  The second downside is realizing how much better people treat thinner people than obese people.  It disgusts me.

Here is my last WOW moment for today.  I noticed for the first time today that my legs do not rub together when I walk anymore.  Amazing.  Hubby says I look thinner than in the pictures here which he took- I think I will keep him.

Obese NO More!!!

You heard it here first.  I entered my weight (184.2) into my Fitday program today.  Despite being notoriously stingy with the BMI rankings, I got a BMI of 29.73 wherein they proclaimed me only OVERWEIGHT.  I have been hoping for this next milestone for the last few days as I crept ever closer.  It was great to bust right through there today.  After spending most of my adult life as an obese person (of course I never actually would say that until this blog), it is thrilling to be only considered overweight!

I am on my way to goal.  I will get there.  Will She lose it?  is the tagline of this blog and has many meanings the weight, the struggle, the infertility.  Don't you find that as people move closer to their goal that it then changes as the end nears.  I am hopeful for 2006. 

Food on Thursday was pretty good considering I spent 5 hours surrounded by fish.  Took the boys to the aquarium yesterday.  We are totally going for sushi tonight!  Here it is by the numbers:

Iron with OJ 14c, 1g protein
Inside of cuban sandwich 1c, 28g protein
Double Nectar Roadside Lemonade 0c, 46g protein
Power Crunch Bar 9c, 14g protein
Edamame 1/4 cup 5c, 6g protein
Large Boiled Shrimp (8) 1c, 13g protein
Steak 3 oz. 0c, 24g protein

Totals: 1051 cals, 31 carbs, 130g protein

86 oz of water

Wednesday in Food

Here is Wednesday's food.  I was stuffed after the steak dinner last night.  I had another good protein day which I will post tomorrow.  I know these posts are boring, but I do feel it is keeping me accountable.  Did tons of walking/standing today at the aquarium- made me really want some sushi.  Maybe Friday. How about telling me your favorite protein food- taste wise.

Here goes:

Iron with OJ 14g carbs, 1g protein
Nectar Lemonade (double) 0 carbs, 46g protein
Grilled Ham & Cheese- 1 piece of bread 16 carbs, 33 protein
Steak 4 oz 0 carbs, 32g protein
1/2 potato baked w/ butter 17g carbs, 2 protein
sauteed mushrooms 1/4 cup 2 carbs, 1 protein
cantaloupe- 1 wedge 4 carbs, 0 protein

Totals: 1169 cal, 55 carbs, 114 protein

88 oz water
30 min. elliptical
all vitamins

Yesterday in Food

Tuesday, January 3, 2005

Iron with 1/2 cup OJ                   57 cals, 14 carbs, 1g protein
Beef Summer Sausage 2 oz     170, 1 carb, 9g protein
Collards 1/2 cup                        35, 4 carbs, 2 protein
Nectar Roadside Lemonade       90, 0carbs, 23 protein
Ham 2 oz                               154, 0 carbs, 15 protein
Green Beans                            21, 3 carbs, 1protein
Chicken Thigh- 1                     152 cals, 0 carbs, 15 protein
Uncle Bens Wild Rice 1/4 cup   50cals, 11 carbs, 2 protein
Beef Summer Sausage 3 oz    255 cals, 2 carbs, 14 protein
Sour Cream Dip 1/4 cup          134, 5 carbs, 2 protein
Celery                                       6 cals, 1 carb, O protein
Iron with OJ 1/2 cup                  57 cals, 14 carbs, 1 g protein
1 Lindt truffle choc.                   91 cals, 17 carbs, 0 protein

Totals: 1281 cals, 72 carbs, 85 protein

all vitamins, 88 oz of water, 30 minutes on the elliptical

The Easy Way Out

The easy way out.  Lots of people would say that I took the easy way out by having surgery to cure my morbid obesity.   I should have relied on the tried and true diet and exercise to acheive a normal weight.  Until someone has been here, it is pretty impossible to change this opinion. 

While I agree that it is possible for morbidly obese persons to lose weight by diet and exercise,  it is not the same as it is for regular overweight people.  When you are looking at losing say 15, 20,  even 40 pounds, it is a measurable, conquerable goal.  You can restrict your diet and exercise and maintain that long enough to acheive a reachable goal.  For a MO person, we have done that so many times that are bodies are very resistant to releasing that fat.  We can eat less and exercise more and still lose very, very slowly.  The more drastic we go in calorie reduction- the more resistant our bodies become.  The only counter to that resistance is exercise.  Guess what?  Exercising when you are more than 100lbs overweight is difficult, humiliating and sometimes very dangerous.  So, what do you do?  You break your weight into manageable chunks and keep working until you have it all gone, right?  Every person has trouble maintaining a restrictive lifestyle for the long term.  Life or other priorities get in the way.  Lastly, once an MO has attained a weightloss, they only have a 5% chance of keeping it off for 5 years.

Have I done all the above.  Yes, I have achieved weightloss and not been able to keep it off.  Since I have had surgery, my body works more like a "regular" person.  My body responds in a more normal way to diet and exercise.   I can lose weight by diet and exercise.  Yes, my diet has changed~ the surgery requires it.  Do I exercise now?  Yes, I love tennis.  I can do so much more with almost 100lbs gone.  I can maintain my focus longer because my body requires it rather than fights it. 

I am using fitday again to track my protein grams.  I am going to start listing how I eat, so that people who think major surgery is the easy way can learn that it is a medically necessary procedure to regain my health akin to knee replacement surgery or even cholestral lowering medication.  My health is infinitely better than it was.  My life is as well.

Here is the food for 1/2/06

Nectar Roadside Lemonade  23g protein, 0 carbs, 90 calories

Spring roll- veggie  3g protein, 10 carbs, 101 calories

Power Crunch Bar  14 g protein, 9carbs,  180 calories

Pan seared Tilapia w/ light butter caper sauce 4oz. 26g protein, 0 carbs, 127 calories

Mashed Potatoes 1/3 cup- 1g protein, 12 carbs, and 73 calories

Fried Calamari 1oz- 5g protein, 3 carbs, 55 calories

Can of V-8 3g protein, 14 carbs, 70 calories

Pork Rinds 9g protein, 0 g carbs, 82 calories

5 Rolo individual candies  1g protein, 10 carbs 71 calories

Totals for the day: 85g protein, 61 carbs, 29g fat and 861 calories

Today's weight 187- total lost since 1/2/05- 93 pounds

New Year's Eve was Rockin'

Okay, I did not see Dick Clark even once on the tv, but I had a rockin' NYE.  We went 2 doors over to the neighbors.  The food choices were a real challenge- not much in the protein department early on.  I avoided all alcohol as I just did not want it.  I had one sip of some really nasty champagne at midnight (never been a big fan).  She did put out a breakfast spread at midnight that had great protein choices on it. 

So, it was rockin' because I got TONS of compliments on my appearance.  They still make me feel uncomfortable, but last night most of them were along the lines of "You look great!"  There was one skinny minnie who said, "Have you lost some weight?"  I almost cackled when I replied "uh, yes some."  One of the ladies on my tennis team said you have lost more weight since tennis?  I replied that you could just notice it more because I was wearing clothes that fit.   I had on the black boots (they have totally earned their keep), black velvet pants, and a black beaded top with these flared arms.  I do not have any pictures, sorry.  I did the make-up and hair thing, so I felt really good.  We had friends and laughter.  It was a successful NYE in my eyes.

My other big wow yesterday, I exchanged a sweater at Coldwater Creek that I had gotten for Christmas.  The one I had gotten was not my taste and it was too big (XL).  I exchanged it for a fitted medium black sweater!!!!!  I also slipped a little black dress into the dressing room in a size 16. It was way too big on top.  I did not purchase even the smaller size as I am too practical for that!

I know everyone does resolutions this time of the year. This blog actually started on some resolutions last year.  They are below. 

Well, I have taken a path that is familiar to me.  I am going to lose weight this year.  I have my resolutions.  I want to be accountable, encouraged and inspired.  I also want to be kicked in the ass, so I won't quit no matter what.  I have a very long journey ahead of me.  I need your help.

Resolutions for 2005

Exercise

-Elliptical 20 minutes per day, every day

-Do a 2nd 20 minutes per day 3x a week beginning in February

-Do 20 crunches a day adding 1 extra each day

Eating

-Eat Breakfast everyday before 10 am

-Plan Weekly Meal Calendar

-Have no more than 3 restaurant meals per week

-Drink 64oz of water per day

-Weigh in only once a week

-Use positive visualization to achieve my goals

A journey of a thousand miles.....

So, it began.  I have done many of these things but not for the whole freakin year~!   The one thing I did manage to do this year was lose weight. Almost 100lbs of it.   This blog is where that started.   My life has changed more in the last year than in the many years before it.  Will I have resolutions for this year?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  I may decide to take it one day at a time.  So many things are still in the air for me this year.  Let's see where we go~ shall we?